Losing faith in myself and my ability to think rationally

I don't want

I don't feel like

Anything, I don't know. 

I'm underwater, but it's not nice. I've been thinking that maybe... I've got it all wrong. 

But I can't seriously believe that I do. I believe in my thoughts... this stupid strand of nothings that may lead to the ultimate nothing... or the ultimate something. 

Whatever.

But the point is,

I'm probably not that important.

None of this shit is that important RIGHT NOW. But maybe later.

I need to get out of here, and let my days blend and let myself waste a bit.

Those times are always the most inspiring. I never knew what time it was but my very BREATH was profound and earth shattering. 

I want to strew papers, write on walls, topple furniture, and smash lightbulbs and sit around in the dark and have no idea what the FUCK I'm doing. 

That's the plan.

The plan is to go absolutely insane and live like I might die every second. The plan is to live like shit, but to really live. Or to not live at all. To die. To be dead to everything around me. Everything is false. 

But then, there is something thats real.

There's two somethings that are real... maybe three. 

One, Two, and the exchange between One and Two

is really, REALLY real. The realest I've ever come across. 

And One can't go off without Two, because then Three would be missing, and the whole trio would fall apart. 

I can't even believe in myself anymore. 

I can't believe in One. But Two, and the exchanged Three... I can believe in those. 

<3

edfhgoqhurgjherd !

Scratch my eyes out with a broken bottle, keep digging until you get to my brain.

Smash my skull and SET ME FREE

Or maybe you'll send me to just another prison.