The Invisibility Of The Contents Of My Guts

Everything is at higher stakes when you don't realize what you're dealing with. 

That's why desperation is so heavy in the air every goddamn day, in every goddamn place we go.

Every second, every minute, every hour, every day, of every year in our short lives we inhale this toxin of desperation. But it's a desperation without cause. There is no reason to look behind us, because there's nothing there. There is no reason to scurry toward a perceived "safe" place, because nothing is really safe. There's nothing out to get our fragile human minds. Only what we conjure up and give the power to take us. We don't know, so we scare ourselves into believing it's us against everything. Our enemies are an army of ghosts. How many people are ruined by their "pasts"? 

I propose there is no past. No old selves with old habits and old stories that somehow prove relevant to who we are today. To apply one's "past" to oneself makes it a present, and not a past. It's not who you were, it's who you are. You are yourself and you never changed if you hold onto it. 

Some people are afraid of "losing" themselves, and some people go on journeys to "find" themselves, and some people have "identity" crisis that sends them into a void of... desperation.

I am desperate.

I am desperate to lose myself.

Because once lost, how can any desperation exist?

How can anything exist?

Nothing can, and nothing will.

Thing intangible and without links can't be as fragile as the glassy shells we live in, or the glassy shells we BASE our SELVES around. Abandonment is so necessary. Lose it, lose everything. Lose it with an AIR OF DESPERATION. 

I'm cutting all the invisible threads, and I'm throwing out all the old game pieces. There is no game anymore. 

Most people seem to find comfort in what exists.

I find comfort in the lack of existents. Because then there are no walls anymore. 

This blog is basically word, thought, and feeling vomit from my"self". About thoughts, feelings, existence, and what exactly IS and ISN'T to me. It's a bit of experiment, abandoning oneself. But it's something that ought to be documented. IN THEORY.